and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's the barista slut.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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