i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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