Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
