apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
