Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
