Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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