OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
