I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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