I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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