also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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