We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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