She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
