yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize