we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize