And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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