I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
