I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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