Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
