And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
