I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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