My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
