sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
