Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
