im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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