He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
