oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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