you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Enjoy the penises
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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