I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
