He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
