operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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