I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Couch. On fire.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
