one might say we're banned from that church
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
