Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
