I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
