I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
