Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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