i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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