remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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