He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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