I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text