Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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