Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
