Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
