dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
