I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
