I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
