i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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