and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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