mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
