i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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