i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
