Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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