and you said cock pushups were impossible
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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