Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
