p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
