my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
