your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Blow job season was short but glorious.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
