Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
