Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
