Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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