Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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