you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
