matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
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I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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