It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
