I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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