I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
