I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
