im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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