she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
