I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
