i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My life is pants optional.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
